Thursday, March 24, 2011
I need to get these negative thoughts out of my mind,but they're stuck there for as long as I feel Uncertainty..
Am i useless? Am i problematic? I feel that I bring sorrow everywhere i go. Why? I can find almost everyone feeling upset almost immediately after or before I could even say a word. I bring troubles,problems to other people and end up making them upset/angry(Any other negative feelings too). Sometimes,I wonder if I'm also giving him problems. But I love him, I'm not doubting this love but I'm not certain if he even loves me anymore. I feel crushed when I tell him about my problems, he could only show me an expression without a word at all. I feel insecure, I'm not strong, I wish he would give me a sense of security. Many adults are telling me that relationships are wrong or if I can,don't even get him to be with you. I had always believed that it isn't always bad but I'm getting uncertain. "Does he really love me?" Of course he would answer he does. "Am I going to be hurt again?" I don't know. "Is there such a thing as 'Eternal Love'?" I don't know. There's so many questions I wanna ask and get decent answers. "Does he hate me? Am I an annoying girlfriend? Am I really still worth it? Will you ever leave me?" I'm scared of the answers I'm going to get, yet I'd wish someone would tell me,give me an answer. I feel that I've already given him so many problems, I'd rather not tell anymore. It's better to keep it to myself. I'd rather die than have him hate me. I'm so negative,yet so childish,being so uncertain of many things. I trust him, but I can't bring myself to say that he definitely loves me. I'm definitely going insane, I'm not even mentally stable anymore..what is wrong with me? Why do I even have such doubts?? I'm being crushed,I can't think of any way to clear these doubts. I wish I'm certain of these matters,certain everything is fine. But how can I even think like that,when he doesn't even call me with familarity anymore?
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